just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Enjoy the penises
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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