you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
