Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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