Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
