I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize