how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
