we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
