I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
