fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize