oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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