I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
