i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
