I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize