we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
