this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize