Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
