Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
