I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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