Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
