Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
