Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it

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(850): View more from Florida

Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.

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(916): View more from California

Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..

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(206): View more from Washington

Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja

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(320): View more from Minnesota

how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?

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(650): View more from California

We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.

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(720): View more from Colorado

one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.

(720): View more from Colorado

and yea, I'm PMSing.

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