I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
