i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize