I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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