dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
