my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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