apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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