I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
