Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
