Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
