so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
