I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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