Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
