the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Holy shit dude........stairs
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
