Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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