But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
