What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
