Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
