Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize