I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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