i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
