where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize