my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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