i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
