yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
