i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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