Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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