real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
