Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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