fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
