I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All the doctor said was why
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize