That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
