already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
