I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
