Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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