I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
