Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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