So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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