i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
