Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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