I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
