Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
