LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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