I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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