You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
