thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
