doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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