my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
