Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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