This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
