areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
