I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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