i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
is that a dick in a sweater?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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