My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
