Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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