he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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