I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize