You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
