he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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