Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
