I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
