These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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