FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
