i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
