end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
