that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Operation Purity has been aborted
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
