hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize