I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
