That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
