whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
