awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
