Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
