I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
