i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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