she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
