Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
