that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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