He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
