Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
