it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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