I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
