I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
