this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
