dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
