I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
