Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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